The Country Formerly Known as America
February 6, 2017
February 6, 2017
In “his” book CRIPPLED
AMERICA: You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet (that may not be the correct subtitle)
Chrump explained, “The oil is there for the taking; we just have to take it.”
This is part Chrump’s “grab ‘em by the pussy” environmental policy. In fact
this is Chrump’s general approach to everything. And it appears to be appealing
to almost half of our once great nation. Good luck ever making it great again
once Chrump’s tiny hands, diseased brain and his fascist/corporate Cabinet From
Hell eat away more and more of the fabric of America like radioactive mutant
moths.
Candidate Chrump: “We are transferring power from Washington, DC and giving it back to you…the people.”
Post-candidate Chrump: "Just kidding. Sad."
Candidate Chrump promised to make great deals with the pharmaceutical
companies to make drug prices more affordable for all Americans. He ran as a
protector of the little guy. Post-candidate Chrump sat down with Big Pharma and then announced
that he not all that interested in negotiating better prices with them. Instead,
“We're going to be lowering taxes, we're going to be getting rid of regulations
that are unnecessary.” No need to get great deals for real people when he can
get greater deals for fake people – corporations.
Candidate Chrump, and all the Republican’ts in a row, harassed and
harangued Hillary Clinton over her use of an unsecured email server.
Post-candidate Chrump, who continues to litigate the election, continues to use
an unsecured phone to tweet his empty little head off. Experts worry that this
is a hacking disaster waiting to happen. Many people are saying they wished
this was the worst thing to worry about.
Candidate Chrump repeatedly promised, “to protect and save your Social
Security and your Medicare.” Post-candidate Chrump nominated Rep. Tom Price
(R-Hell) for Health and Human Services. Price, who likely received financial
favors in return for legislative favors, wants to cut millions out of Medicare
and privatize it. He admitted the cuts in his confirmation hearing under
questioning from Senator Elizabeth Warren. Next he nominated Rep. Nick Mulvaney
as Director of the Office of Management and Budget. Mulvaney wants to raise the
Social Security retirement age to 70 and probably has other terrific, beautiful
plans for one of the world’s greatest safety nets.
Candidate Chrump promised to drain the swamp. He loudly bashed Hillary
Clinton for being in the pocket of Goldman Sachs, ad nauseam. Post-candidate Chrump
said, "We expect to cut a lot out of Dodd/Frank because frankly I have so
many people, friends of mine, who have nice businesses, they can't borrow money
because the banks just won't let them borrow because of rules and regulations
and Dodd-Frank, so we'll be talking about that in terms of the banking
industry." That of course was after filling his cabinet with Goldman Sachs
alumni, the CEO of Exxon and a cast of billions…-aires that is. And we should
never forget all the great racists and conspiracy theory buffs with whom Chrump
has surrounded himself.
Chrump fucks Dodd-Frank…and us
After
signing the Fuck Dodd-Frank executive order, Chump was questioned by some of
the reporters present. Apparently there were questions about Iran, which was
not acceptable to the Child-in-chief. According to entertainment news site The
Wrap, a pool briefing said reporters were escorted out of the Oval Office just
two minutes after they arrived for a scheduled signing ceremony for Donald
Trump’s executive order rolling back key provisions of the Dodd-Frank Act,
eliminating multiple regulations on financial institutions. His only reasoning
when asked about why he booted reporters was, “They’re not behaving.”
Chrump did
manage to create the impression of repealing Obamacare with his first executive
order. It did not actually repeal the act, but not to worry, his minions are
convinced that Obamacare has been repealed as promised. They also believe that
they still have the Affordable Care Act to protect them now that the dreaded
Obamacare is gone. Chrump said, “As I have said over and over again repeatedly
many, many times Obamacare is a total disaster. Obamacare is a complete and
total disaster and we will keep the many good parts. I have spoken with myself
and others at great length, in fact the greatest length, about getting rid of
this terrible law that has killed so many people. Many people are saying that
we must not only repeal it. We must replace it. While my party full of losers
has failed to come up with a replacement for seven years, I Donald Chrump have
come up with a simple, beautiful amazing thing. I decree today that the
terrible Obamacare will be replaced by waterboarding and much worse. This will
be terrific, just terrific. I will get rid of sickness in Amerika very quickly.
It will be very beautiful. You’re welcome. I can’t believe how easy this
president show is. I have already renewed myself for a second season. I have
spoken.”
Well at
least Chrump kept his promise to get rid of ISIS quickly and beautifully. He
didn’t? He did however approve a poorly planned mission in Yemen that resulted
in the death of a Navy SEAL and the destruction of a $75M helicopter. Hair
Chrump could not be bothered to make it to the Situation Room to observe the
mission. Many people are saying that he was busy with his “hair”. Chrumpghazi!
I look forward to the endless investigations of Chrumpghazi by Congress with
sarcastic breath.
Speaking of
Chrump’s “hair”, the drug he takes to stop his unstoppable balding is known to
have effects on cognition, mood and mental states have been documented in the
scientific literature. Beside the numerous drug-induced insults to his
naturally tiny penis, the scientific literature has documented changes in
mental abilities, sleeping patterns, and/or depressive symptoms as a result of
taking Propecia.
That’s our Chrump. I think he should just relax and have a pretzel.
This Just In…
Scott Pelley
began tonight’s CBS Evening News with some rare straight talk from the corporate
media:
“President
Trump told a U.S. military audience that there have been terrorist attacks that
no one knows about because the media chooses not to report them. It has been a
busy day for presidential statements divorced from reality.”
I. Mangrey
reporting. Alternative comments invited.
Mad in USA
Mad in USA
I don't like the way our prezident makes me feel. Am I a snowflake?
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