Monday, February 6, 2017

Where There’s Chrump There’s Liar

CRIPPLED PRESIDENT: HOW TO MAKE CHRUMP NOT PRESIDENT AGAIN

The Country Formerly Known as America
February 6, 2017
In “his” book CRIPPLED AMERICA: You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet (that may not be the correct subtitle) Chrump explained, “The oil is there for the taking; we just have to take it.” This is part Chrump’s “grab ‘em by the pussy” environmental policy. In fact this is Chrump’s general approach to everything. And it appears to be appealing to almost half of our once great nation. Good luck ever making it great again once Chrump’s tiny hands, diseased brain and his fascist/corporate Cabinet From Hell eat away more and more of the fabric of America like radioactive mutant moths.
Candidate Chrump: “We are transferring power from Washington, DC and giving it back to you…the people.”
Post-candidate Chrump: "Just kidding. Sad."
Candidate Chrump promised to make great deals with the pharmaceutical companies to make drug prices more affordable for all Americans. He ran as a protector of the little guy. Post-candidate Chrump sat down with Big Pharma and then announced that he not all that interested in negotiating better prices with them. Instead, “We're going to be lowering taxes, we're going to be getting rid of regulations that are unnecessary.” No need to get great deals for real people when he can get greater deals for fake people – corporations.
Candidate Chrump, and all the Republican’ts in a row, harassed and harangued Hillary Clinton over her use of an unsecured email server. Post-candidate Chrump, who continues to litigate the election, continues to use an unsecured phone to tweet his empty little head off. Experts worry that this is a hacking disaster waiting to happen. Many people are saying they wished this was the worst thing to worry about.
Candidate Chrump repeatedly promised, “to protect and save your Social Security and your Medicare.” Post-candidate Chrump nominated Rep. Tom Price (R-Hell) for Health and Human Services. Price, who likely received financial favors in return for legislative favors, wants to cut millions out of Medicare and privatize it. He admitted the cuts in his confirmation hearing under questioning from Senator Elizabeth Warren. Next he nominated Rep. Nick Mulvaney as Director of the Office of Management and Budget. Mulvaney wants to raise the Social Security retirement age to 70 and probably has other terrific, beautiful plans for one of the world’s greatest safety nets.
Candidate Chrump promised to drain the swamp. He loudly bashed Hillary Clinton for being in the pocket of Goldman Sachs, ad nauseam. Post-candidate Chrump said, "We expect to cut a lot out of Dodd/Frank because frankly I have so many people, friends of mine, who have nice businesses, they can't borrow money because the banks just won't let them borrow because of rules and regulations and Dodd-Frank, so we'll be talking about that in terms of the banking industry." That of course was after filling his cabinet with Goldman Sachs alumni, the CEO of Exxon and a cast of billions…-aires that is. And we should never forget all the great racists and conspiracy theory buffs with whom Chrump has surrounded himself.
Chrump fucks Dodd-Frank…and us
After signing the Fuck Dodd-Frank executive order, Chump was questioned by some of the reporters present. Apparently there were questions about Iran, which was not acceptable to the Child-in-chief. According to entertainment news site The Wrap, a pool briefing said reporters were escorted out of the Oval Office just two minutes after they arrived for a scheduled signing ceremony for Donald Trump’s executive order rolling back key provisions of the Dodd-Frank Act, eliminating multiple regulations on financial institutions. His only reasoning when asked about why he booted reporters was, “They’re not behaving.”
Chrump did manage to create the impression of repealing Obamacare with his first executive order. It did not actually repeal the act, but not to worry, his minions are convinced that Obamacare has been repealed as promised. They also believe that they still have the Affordable Care Act to protect them now that the dreaded Obamacare is gone. Chrump said, “As I have said over and over again repeatedly many, many times Obamacare is a total disaster. Obamacare is a complete and total disaster and we will keep the many good parts. I have spoken with myself and others at great length, in fact the greatest length, about getting rid of this terrible law that has killed so many people. Many people are saying that we must not only repeal it. We must replace it. While my party full of losers has failed to come up with a replacement for seven years, I Donald Chrump have come up with a simple, beautiful amazing thing. I decree today that the terrible Obamacare will be replaced by waterboarding and much worse. This will be terrific, just terrific. I will get rid of sickness in Amerika very quickly. It will be very beautiful. You’re welcome. I can’t believe how easy this president show is. I have already renewed myself for a second season. I have spoken.”
Well at least Chrump kept his promise to get rid of ISIS quickly and beautifully. He didn’t? He did however approve a poorly planned mission in Yemen that resulted in the death of a Navy SEAL and the destruction of a $75M helicopter. Hair Chrump could not be bothered to make it to the Situation Room to observe the mission. Many people are saying that he was busy with his “hair”. Chrumpghazi! I look forward to the endless investigations of Chrumpghazi by Congress with sarcastic breath.
Speaking of Chrump’s “hair”, the drug he takes to stop his unstoppable balding is known to have effects on cognition, mood and mental states have been documented in the scientific literature. Beside the numerous drug-induced insults to his naturally tiny penis, the scientific literature has documented changes in mental abilities, sleeping patterns, and/or depressive symptoms as a result of taking Propecia. That’s our Chrump. I think he should just relax and have a pretzel.
This Just In…
Scott Pelley began tonight’s CBS Evening News with some rare straight talk from the corporate media:

“President Trump told a U.S. military audience that there have been terrorist attacks that no one knows about because the media chooses not to report them. It has been a busy day for presidential statements divorced from reality.”
I. Mangrey reporting. Alternative comments invited.
                                                                                                   
Mad in USA

1 comment:

  1. I don't like the way our prezident makes me feel. Am I a snowflake?

    ReplyDelete