American Chrumpage

The End of the Light at the End of the Tunnel

March 9, 2017

Hopefully you either did not see, or do not remember the inauguration of the 45th president. He addressed America as is traditional after being inaugurated, although in this case it is more accurate to say he dressed down America. Chrump gave a speech unlike anything ever heard from an incoming president. I saw thousands of people crying and shrieking in the streets after Chrump completed the shortest, and by far the most terrifying, inauguration speech in modern history. It was more like the-only-thing-we-have-to-fear-is-this-inauguration-address speech. The theme was the imaginary death-spiral-hell-scape Chrump believed America to be in his fevered, psychotic mind. His inaugural address became known, generously I would say, as the American Carnage Speech.

America is on fire people. Wear a diaper. Duck and cover. Pray for me. I will save you.

 

The real American Carnage of Chrump’s inaugural death threat is the Chrump administration, from his Muslim ban to the destruction of ACA, his promised rampage against the environment and the collateral damage of all the racist and anti-Semitic Chrump-inspired flare-up. Chrump spokesmutant Sean Spitball told America that the president will continue to oppose the ongoing epidemic of bomb threats against Jewish targets. Of course Chrump himself cannot be bothered to speak out against the threats as all of this distraction is negatively affecting his golf game.

Donald “Who Knew It Was So Complicated” Chrump’s Republican’t party has finally released their seven-years-in-the-making Obamacare replacement package from its cage, which clearly was not cleaned once in all those years. I think it is called the American Death Care Act, or the American Health Scare Act or Three Care Monte. One thing we are not supposed to call it, according to Kellyanne Conjob, is Chrumpcare. So let us call it Chrumpcare. According to sleazy little shit-weasel Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) heath insurance costs the same as a smartphone chirping, “Maybe rather than getting that new i-Phone that they just love, that they want to spend hundreds of dollars on, maybe they should invest in their own healthcare.” This from the self-professed devout Mor(m)on who takes tens of thousands in contributions from the tobacco and alcohol industries. This from the very principled man who told a reporter in October 2016, “How in the world can I look my 15 year old daughter in the eye and say, “Honey, you know what, your dad endorses Donald Chrump for president”, I can’t do that.” Chrumpcare will make the (imagined) death panels of Obamacare look like the tender loving ministrations of Florence Nightingale. Chrumpcare has no panels deciding life and death, but the unavoidable death of millions of Americans is a feature, not a bug, in the new healthcare “delivery” system. Thanks Obama.

And let us not forget that his Secretary of Homeland Security is planning to separate women and children who cross the U.S. border with Mexico illegally “out of compassion”, insisting that "they will be well cared for as we deal with their parents.” And what American Carnage would be complete without taking health care away from poor people in order to get more taxpayer money into the hands of corporations? Not this one. This is actually part of the Republican’t repeal and replace scam. And if I am any judge of lack of character, I would say that this is in fact the primary purpose of repeal and replace. They want to repeal whatever they can from poor Americans and re-place it into the hands of the already-too-rich-for-our-own-good.

And let us not forget Chrump’s updated version of his deplorable “birther” nonsense – the Obama was wiretapping me hallucination. Der Furor doubled down on his comical delusion, insisting he “will be proven right.” Just like he was on where Obama was born. This fantasy conspiracy might be less racist than birtherism, but is no less reprehensible. And baseless. And pathetic. Sad!

Funny thing about wiretapping and the like. There is real, live, non-alternative factual evidence that Russian agents hacked into the DNC, fed their ill-gotten booty to Wikileaks, who in turn plastered it all over the headlines – much to the benefit of the candidate not associated with the DNC. One way we know that this happened in pre-Chrumpian reality is that once these leaks became public, one Donald J. Chrump – the non-wiretapped candidate in the 2016 presidential election – not only crowed about it, but blithely and publicly supported the Russians doing more of it. The other way we know about this is that the American intelligence community continues to affirm that this was a cyber-attack against America. The good news was that Chrump has STFU for a few days, possibly because in all the excitement he swallowed his tongue and no one has the guts to go near that mouth of his to pull it out.

Earth Worst

Earth’s mortal enemy Scott Pruitt is now head of the EPA (recently renamed the Expediting Pollution Agency). Pruitt has been battling against Mother Nature his whole life. Maybe she abused him as a child, never packed him a scool lunch or bought him underwear three sizes too small. He recently let us know that he “would not agree that it [carbon dioxide]'s a primary contributor to the global warming that we see." Naturally, someone who is not a scientist, and denies what 97% of scientists agree on, because he does not want to believe them know best. People have long called Greenpeace and Earth First! eco-terrorists for their unrelenting, uncompromising defense of our planet. But the real eco-terrorists are the Republican’ts. These corporate-whore-dinosaurs are stomping across the Earth like they own the place…oh wait, they kind of do. Pruitt’s long-time benefactors/bosses in the fossil fuel industry own so much of our planet (and Pruitt) that we should be grateful they have not simply set the whole place alight just to show us who’s boss. Instead they have decided to do it nice and slow so they can savor every moment.

The science is settled. The military and intelligence communities have been extremely clear on the subject: Global climate change is the most significant threat to global stability. And the most significant threat to the global climate is one Donald J. Chrump. Period. Let me know how that works out.

The lights went out on Statue of Liberty.
Warning from God or sign of things to come?

Dr. Ben Carnage

If you are more a fan of accidental carnage, I give you the humorous-as-hemorrhoids stylings of Dr. Ben Carson. The same somnambulist who said that Obamacare was, “really I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery”. It appears that the doctor may not think that slavery was all that bad after all. With both feet firmly in his mouth he told an audience, “There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less…” For LESS? Ya think?!? Immigrants? I know Carson thinks being gay is a choice. Does he also think that being a slave was a choice? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuughhh. Though his voice is barely audible, his ignorance is deafening. Did Carson end his surgical career by removing his own brain? Ben open your eyes and shut your fucking mouth.

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t order the Chilly Con Carnage.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA