Is Our Presidents Learning?

He Has a Very Goop Brain

The Edge of Oblivion
March 1, 2017

When it comes to stating the oblivious, few can compete with our current Confuser-in-chief.  On the heels of more than six years of Republican’ts and their Tea Party underlings-turned-overlords, screaming about repealing and replacing Obamacare, we saw the Chrump campaign double down on the R&R message. Chrump told us that on day one he would get it done, even though the best Republican’t minds had come up with precisely nothing with which to replace the repealed program. Of course, on day one we learned that the new president would be taking a few days off before doing any actual work. Since then he has spent more time whining, tweeting and golfing than doing anything that passes for work. Not that I’m complaining mind you, since what happens when he does work is just plain horrifying. Filling his cabinet with white nationalists, implementing Muslim bans, deploying deportation SWAT teams, defying the First Amendment, cuddling with Putin, verbally assaulting our allies – dude, go fix your “hair” or take a fucking nap. And when you wake up seek psychiatric help. Seriously. Please.

Now that Chrump is getting a healthy dose of the reality with which most people are familiar, his message has changed somewhat. "I have to tell you, it's an unbelievably complex subject. Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated." Huh? Listen numnutz, just about everybody knew. And we were all trying to tell you constantly. Maybe if you could look away from the mirror for a few minutes you could learn a thing or two. In fairness to Der Furor, he is not completely alone in his obliviousness. His Republican’t colleagues are finding the same thing to be true now that they have the power to do what they have been promising – repeal and/or replace Obamacare. Not to mention the fact that their constituents are raising holy hell over not wanting to lose their health care. Chrump told a meeting of governors, "We have come up with a solution that's really, really I think very good." You lie!

Chrump looking very presidential, just as he told us he could.
“Will you look at the hands on this little guy, they’re huge.”

Of Chrump and Men

The big question on everyone’s mind: Is our presidents learning? We discovered that Der Furor did not read the executive order that put Steve Bannon on the National Security Council. L’il Chrump was reportedly livid that he signed the order without knowing what it said. I’m sure he read all the other ones, and that should make all of us feel much, much better because, “And I was a good student. I understand things. I comprehend very well, better than I think almost anybody.” Damn right. It only took him 70 years to figure out that slavery, nuclear war and anti-Semitism are bad things. Actually, I am not convinced that he has any significant problems with the latter. I know he likes to think he is “the least anti-Semitic person you have ever seen in your entire life” because his daughter converted, but I think he resents the fact that she is betrothed to another man. And that man is Jewish. Do the math.

Tell me about the rabbits, George

 

Sources too close to Chrump for their own good told reporters that the Comprehender-in-chief had to put his BFF Putin on hold during their super secret phone call. Putin asked Don about extending the “New START” treaty. New START establishes that both countries agree to reduce their nuclear missile launchers down to 1,550. Chrump called time out to ask aides what New START was. Dear Loser got back on the phone and said the “START Up” deal was another bad deal made by Obama and that Russia had “outsmarted” the US. Chrump added that the deal permits Russia to continue making nuclear warheads while the US cannot. Wrong. It does no such thing. Sad. Chrump then pivoted the conversation to talk about his own popularity in the U.S. Wrong. He has no such thing. Sad.

“I am the best at getting intelligence briefings.”

 

One thing our presidents is learning is how to do the “States’ Rights” two-step. Allowing transgender school students to use the bathroom appropriate to their gender identity is something that should be left to the states, you know like whether everyone can drink from the same water fountain, or sit at the front of the bus. However, when states decide, by popular vote, to legalize marijuana, then those states are acting irresponsibly and must be superseded by the federal government. Get it? Completely different issues. One deals with basic human decency and civil rights. The other has to do with criminalizing victimless “crime” for using a substance that is proving to be an excellent substitute for opioid addiction, which happens to be destroying millions of people’s lives including innocent victims of drug-related violence. I’m sure this has nothing to do with Jeff Sessions’ relationship to the private prison industry. Or the fact that he just reversed an Obama-Era decision to eliminate for-profit prisons. It’s all good.

Oh, the Humility!

To prime his base in the lead-up to his first big league presidential-esque speech, Chrump showed the kind of courage we expect from him, and braved the probing, no-quarter-given questions he knew he would get from Rachel Maddow, I mean Charlie Rose, I mean Fux and Friends. Asked what grade he would give himself, after getting lost in thought for almost half a second, he gave himself an “A+” for effort, but only an “A” for achievement so far. He must be grading on a curve the size of Earth’s orbit.

I. Mangrey reporting.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA