Monday, March 20, 2017

Chrump Tries Math (Spoiler Alert: It gets ugly)

The Batshit Crazy Budget: Stop It Before It Kills Everything

March 20, 2017
Chrump’s first federal budget has arrived. Like an IED in your pancakes. Hopefully, like the Hindenburg. The plan is to further bloat the already mortally obese military budget at the expense of everything else. Who needs anything else? Prepare for a thousand cuts people. Say goodbye to money for feeding the poor and the housebound elderly – what a bunch of moochers. Say goodbye to government financed research, PBS, NEA, clean air, clean water, bald eagles and just too many other very helpful programs to mention. Since almost no one in New York City voted for Chrump, he is taking away all federal funding of the NYPD. Pretty much anything you can think of that seems like a good idea, kiss it goodbye. But the best news has not even dropped yet – massive tax cuts for the very rich. It is amazing that anything that benefits those in need gets labeled an “entitlement”. Tax cuts for the already rich is just smart business. I guess you cannot give entitlements to those already deemed entitled. It is only an entitlement if you desperately need it. Those greedy poor people will just have to get over themselves and sell a few organs so they can buy smart phones or whatever. And what the hell has science ever done for anyone anyway?
While Chrump is ballooning the military budget, the CEO of Exxon, I mean the CEO of the State Department, I mean the Secretary of State, Wrecks Tillerson, thinks we need to eliminate the State Department because, 1) all these diplomats are wasting valuable tax dollars that could be used to help rich people, and 2) he says, "As time goes by, there will be fewer military conflicts that the U.S. will be directly engaged in." I’m not sure which end of the feeding tube that stuff came out of, but then he pulled his saber out of his ass and started rattling it in North Korea’s face saying, “Certainly we do not want to, for things to get to military conflict. If they elevate the threat of their weapons program to a level that we believe requires action, then, that option’s on the table.” Confused? Don’t be. Just smile knowingly, think happy thoughts and try not to swallow your tongue. Do not bother getting all your affairs in order because there will not be anyone around to inherit what little you may have left.
Go Chrump yourself!
 
Chrump Tweets While America Burns
What day (or two) in alt-reality would be complete without a dose of dangerous stupidity from our Clodhopper-in-chief – via Twitter of course – because he “can get around the media when the media doesn’t tell the truth”? Seriously dude, get help.
 
And why miss an opportunity to talk smack about something you do not understand and someone you just met with, behind her back? You gutless worm. FAKE YOU motherfaker. Seriously dude, get out. While we still have a chance.
But, I Digress…
Back to the budget-from-hell. We simply must get rid of the onerous, bank-breaking Meals on Wheels. Who does it really help anyway? Nobody from Goldman Sacks, that I can tell you. Chrump’s budget assassin, the new head of the Office of Management and Budget Mick Mulvaney, who is “in charge” of cutting and wasting, says Meals on Wheels does not work, “They have never brought me one singe meal. One day I was busy trying to shut down the government and hadn’t eaten in several hours, and no meals on wheels came to feed me. Obviously the program is a total failure. Nobody likes it. Getting rid of it is probably one of the most compassionate things we can do.” (non-alternative quote in italics) What is it with these people? Paul Ryan thinks he is “doing an act of mercy” by taking health care from 26,000,000 people and Mulvaney thinks it is compassionate to take food out of needy people’s mouths. Only those who can afford the best get a free lunch in Chrump’s Amerika.
Pence and Ryan learn that Ryan’Scare will mercifully help 26,000,000 lose health insurance
Mulvaney also straightened us out on all that climate change nonsense. In case anyone was wondering about the policies oozing out of an alt-president who said (out loud, in public) "The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive." Chrump later tried to claim it was a joke. Unless it was automatically a joke because of who said it, it was not a joke. Well wonder no longer; Mulvaney assured us of the new stance on climate change research, “We consider that to be a waste of your money to go out and do that.” That goodness the tiny little baby steps we have taken to address what is probably the biggest crisis the human race has ever seen have finally reached their destination. The cliff’s edge. And our gracious alt-president is more than happy to provide that little shove to finish the job properly. At least no one will be around to blame the son-of-a-bitch. Not that it would matter with Der Furor, because nothing is ever his fault. The buck stops everywhere but where he is. He will even blame his greatest benefactor – Fux News. As for his barbaric budget, and what it will mean for us regular folks, the bucks just stop.
Soon our social services, our public schools, our environmental policies will rival those of North Korea, maybe even Yemen if we keep working at it. And unless we rid ourselves of the cold sore they call president it could be much sooner than we think.
The great Randy Newman - from 2008
Hound your congressperson, nag your senators. Go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore.’
 

I. Mangrey reporting. Not budgeting my time very well.        
                                                

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