SPECIAL LATE BREAKING BULLETIN

A Message From The 47^th And Final President

March 3, 2025

This is what Der Furor posted on his failing Truth Social site earlier today

Once again the relentless interns at Paying Attention™ have gotten their hot, underpaid little hands on a snippet from tomorrow’s State of The End of The Union address. The entirety of the drivel still appears to be under wraps, but here’s a thrilling tidbit you won’t want to miss. You likely will want to miss everything else.

Apparently, this whole DOGE hoax has just been a big misunderstanding. Well, a series of misunderstandings actually.

First of all, DOGE actually meant Don't Overestimate Genius Elon. But in reality there is no such thing as DOGE, just like there is no such thing as Project 2025 or COVID. None of that ever happened.

Second, just because Elon flashes the occasional Nazi salute and jokes about the Holocaust and tells neo-Nazi Germans that it's time for Germany to stop feeling guilty for murdering 6,000,000 Jews and millions of others (and just because VD Vance told the same neo-Nazis the same thing), does not mean my good friend Elon likes Nazis – it's a common mistake. He’s a really good guy, like Vladimir Putin.

Third, Waste, Fraud and Abuse are just the names of the children not named Bigballs who Musk put in charge of helping to make America great again again. When he talks about getting rid of Waste, Fraud and Abuse he really means he is going to fire these kids and hire some actual adults. Elon, who is very rich is not planning to kill every single government agency, leading to untold death and suffering. He’s already the richest man in the world; he doesn’t need any more money; he wants more – a lot more – but he doesn’t need it. But I’m going to make sure he gets it anyway. I promise you he has no intention of gutting Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, or taking over most of our government and claiming the entire American economy as his own.

You can all go back to sleep now. It was all just a bad dream. Another Russia, Russian, Russia and Musk hoax.

Believe me.

Unfortunately, there will be no one standing behind Dire Leader tearing up his screech as Nancy Pelosi did a few years ago.

According to our non-existent sources, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez will be delivering the Democrats' rebuttal to Don's State of The End of The Union screech:

 

This has been a Paying Attention™ Special Broken News report.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled fear and loathing.