Don't Worry, Be Crazy

America In the Time of Chrump

Chrumpland
November 28, 2016

Hair Chrump went on and on and on ad nauseam about how rigged the election was. "The election is absolutely being rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary - but also at many polling places - SAD" went Twitterbell’s whiny refrain. He played coy with whether or not he would accept the results. Well, what's good for the goosed is good for the gooser.

Oh dear, somebody is being mean to me.

 

More recently Twitterbell added “Hillary conceded…after the results were in [Waaaaaaaah],” but the results are not all in yet. Votes are still being counted for the first time. Michigan has yet to be officially called, so they cannot have a recount until they have an actual count. I know what you’re thinking, who needs to count the votes anyway? If Chrump says he won we should take him at his word. He does have the best ones after all. The election was totally rigged, remember Don? And you “won” what you called “a totally rigged election.” FU.

In fact Twitterbell tweeted yesterday, "I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally." There is absolutely no evidence of any such thing. Actually that is not entirely true. There is one documented case of actual in-person voter fraud – it was a woman who voted twice…for Chrump. Fun fact: Chrump’s pick for deputy national security adviser, is registered to vote in two separate places, which some consider a felony. None of this is surprising when dealing with the Orange Gas Cloud who made fiction more relevant than fact in 2016 Amerika with his delusional albeit seemingly partially successful campaign. In any event, Chrump clearly thinks the election is rigged so the best thing would have to be counting. The. Votes.

Reince Priebus echoed his new boss saying the recount is a “scam”. This morning Kellyanne Conway threatened to renew Chrump’s recently recanted promise to prosecute Hillary Clinton (something outside the president’s job description, but a great tag line for a reality show) for the charges she was already cleared of by the Justice Department, if she doesn’t behave properly as regards the recount. Just so we’re all clear, carefully counting votes in a presidential election is cheating. Now they tell me.

Wisconsin officials announced they plan to proceed with the first presidential recount in the state’s history. Why do they hate Amerika? Repressing non-white voting is not cheating. Neither is illegally using funds from one’s “charity” for one’s personal expenses. Neither is ripping off thousands of people with a phony university I guess. He probably settled the suit because he was feeling generous and wanted to help his suckers out. I’m sure all the fraud was unintentional. It’s all in good fun. Keeping his business interests ahead of everything else he does while president will also be considered perfectly legal…by Chrump.

A colleague of Steve Bannon shared an exchange with Chrump’s Brain wherein Bannon reportedly talked about restricting voting to property owners since some people are genetically inferior. His colleague noted that this would likely disenfranchise many African Americans. Bannon’s reported reply?  “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

Meanwhile, a Texas man resigned from his position in the Electoral College saying in part, "I do not see how Donald Trump is biblically qualified to serve in the office of the Presidency…"If Trump is not qualified and my role, both morally and historically, as an elected official is to vote my conscience, then I can not and will not vote for Donald Trump for President. I believe voting for Trump would bring dishonor to God." Neither God nor Chrump could be reached for comment. Coincidence?

WARNING - Actual quote ahead: “In theory, I could be president of the United States and run my business 100%, sign checks. I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly…” At least we know what his priorities are. Run his business 100% and then run the country, or whatever. So much for “Amerika first.” It was a metaphor. "The president can't have conflicts of interest," according to Mr. Chrump. Another metaphor I assume.

I. Mangrey reporting. Don’t blame me.
                                                                                                    Mad in USA

Tune in next time… 

when you will hear managing editor Ed Venture’s head explode after learning that Chrump is interviewing disgraced traitor Gen. David Petraeus who struck a plea deal requiring two years’ probation and a $100,000 fine for sharing classified documents with his biographer with whom he was having an affair, for Secretary of State.