Chrump v. HIs Own Words

Donald Cooks Up Some Word Salad (Beware of The E. Coli)

November 29, 2018 

On Thanksgiving, a reporter was either foolish, clueless, hopeful or desperate enough to ask, “What are you most thankful for, Mr. President?”  To the surprise of no one, America’s Top Turkey answered, “For having a great family* and for having made a tremendous difference in this country.  I made a tremendous difference in the country.  This country is so much stronger now than it was when I took office that you won't believe it and I mean, you see it, but so much stronger that people can't even believe it (actual quote**).”  I am not so sure that is the part people can’t believe.  But hey, what the hell do I know?  I am neither delusional moron, nor minority-elected prezident of the United States.

“…I have a gut, and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else’s brain can ever tell me.”
                                           Donald J. Trump, November 27, 2018

Chrump continued… 

“My gut doesn’t believe scientists, those idiots are always using their brains – no guts.  The very stupid, filled with fake Democrats, CIA has no idea what they’re talking about.  They rely on intelligence.  I love the poorly educated because they know to listen to their very, very large uh, guts.  I don’t believe Monkey-face Bob Mueller – he was too stupid to get bone spurs and ended up being a Marine.  He could have easily been killed doing that.  Not Chrump.  Chrump played it safe and smart.  I like Marines who didn’t get shot.  I don't believe Michael Cohen, never did – very weak individual, barely know the guy, probably not even a real lawyer.  I wouldn’t know.  Mostly he brought me cofvefe and sandwitches for lunch.  A real loser if you ask me.  I’ll stick with my very, very large uh-gut.

One wonders if he can hear his own voice

“I have to tell you how glad I am that I’m doing such an amazing job as president.  No one ever doubted me, but I’m exceeding my own incredible expectations.  One of the most amazing things about it, is that I don’t have the slightest clue how any of this works.  Not a clue.  Don’t know how many branches or twigs the government has – I just know that the Church is one of them.  Never read the Constitution book – not even the Corinthians part, but it doesn’t even matter.  That’s how great a job I’m doing.  I won my very first election with no help at all, by a very big margin by the way – the biggest of all time I believe.  And then I won the midterms with an almost complete victory.  Amazing, all those candidates that I got elected with my incredible embrace.  I just have an amazing instinct for all this stuff.  America is so lucky to have Donald Chrump – I just wish I was a regular citizen so I could enjoy all the winning and greatness I have created for America.
 

I am going to take care of all the unfair, fake media, the unfair judges, fake witch hunt, and all the fake parts of the so-called Constitution.  I am going to put the con back in Constitution very soon, very soon.  I’m going to do it, that I can tell you.  Very soon.  I’m also going to look very carefully at all the fake intelligence.  I’m starting to think that all intelligence is fake…except for mine.  I have the best intelligence, certainly the most.  I know I can always trust my judgment.  Always. 

Even my new Attorney General/temp thinks the Mueller witch hunt is a witch hunt.  He’s been saying this for years, like so many other very smart people.  Very smart, believe me.  It’s not me saying this, it’s him, and I don’t even know the guy.  Never met him.  I don’t even know his name.  He probably doesn’t even know I’m the president.  I never told him.  He would never shut down such a witch hunt.  Why would he?  It’s no big deal.  I never think about it at all.  It will be over soon.  Never should have started. 

This Mueller business is much worse than the fake murder of a fake reporter who was known to be an enemy of the state in Saudi Arabia – a really great place with very nice people who spend lots of dollars on Chrump.  These are very smart and nice people who would never hurt anyone.  Why do you think Bush didn’t attack them after 9/11?  I know why because of my incredible intellect, but you should figure it out for yourself.  I don’t know why the CIA wants to blame Jared’s good friend Mohammed bin Salman.  I don’t see why he would*** have done this.  My gut likes him very much.  I just might pardon bin Salman, who is a very nice, very strong and powerful man by the way, if I have to.”

Surely, and unfortunately, we have not heard the last of Donald Chrump, and we will continue to bring you the important Chrump news as it happens…even if we have to make it up.  Speaking of making things up, it would be helpful if Chrump would make up his “mind”.  Is he a Saudi stooge or a Russian Stooge?

_____________________

*Okay, so this part was a surprise.

**Seriously.  Not kidding.  He said this.  With his face sphincter.
***Did he mean ‘wouldn’t?’

I. Mangrey recreating.