Part 1: Bush Whacked
Right here, right now
April 14, 2017
April 14, 2017
After leaving the dais following Chrump's inauguration,
George W. Bush reportedly said, “That was some weird shit”, according to three
unnamed sources who claim to have heard the statement. Bush says he cannot remember if he said that or not.
George W. Bush is now out humping his new book, the title of
which I am too disinterested and nauseated to bother looking up. Talk show
hosts everywhere are treating the unelected president who shamelessly sold and illegally
carried out the worst foreign policy disaster in American history, and oversaw
war crimes, like a long lost uncle.
What, you might ask, is all this fuss about? The book
features Bush’s paintings of soldiers wounded thanks to his illegal, stupid,
disastrous war in Iraq. I can barely draw a stick-figure, so I have to give old
President Moron kudos for his artistic ability. Who would have imagined that a
man-child who can barely manage his native tongue, trashed the economy, ruined
our foreign relations, caused chaos throughout the Middle East and almost
killed himself eating a pretzel, had talent of an artistic nature? As Chuck
Berry once said, ““C'est la vie”, say the old folks, it goes to show you
never can tell.”
If only Bush could have taken up painting a decade earlier,
instead of running for president to show up his father. At least he stopped
painting himself bathing and showering. I’m not sure I would have gone with
portraits-of-people-I-caused-to-be-dead as my next subject matter, but hey, I
don’t even know enough to lead an illegal invasion of a sovereign nation whose
brutal dictator we had previously propped up for decades, in order to create
new still-life models. I assume that is one reason I was never appointed
president by the Supreme Court.
This lucky idiot was born on third base and had no idea what
third base was. My one tiny little pleasure, having watched this buffoon do his
dirty work and lived to tell about it, was knowing that he would go down as arguably
the worst president in American history. Much too little, much too late, but a
flicker of justice nonetheless. What really galls me now is that Bush held this
honor for exactly eight years. Not decades or a century. Eight measly fucking
years. That is how long it took for the torturous (literally), criminal and all
around horrific Bush/Cheney administration to go from worst to footnote.
In a way I feel a little sorry for the poor fucker. The only
thing he was really good at was being terrible. He was a terrible student, a
failed oilman, a disastrous governor and an even worse president. To be fair,
he was also apparently pretty good at getting drunk, smoking pot and snorting
cocaine…and going AWOL. He was also awesome at executing people – Bush, as
governor of Texas, held the record until the bigger idiot, his successor, Rick
Perry outdone him. But, Bush was the best at being the worst. And now, along
comes a leaky bag of artificially colored pond scum, and POOF, Bush’s would-be-historically-bad
reputation gets eclipsed in a dog-year. With any luck, Chrump will be ridden
out of town on a rail before he can approach the level of damage inflicted on
America by Bush II, and George can maintain his historically low standing. And
we can maintain our ability to live and fight another day.
I. Mangrey reporting. Stay stoned for Part 2: Not Dicking Around
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