Somewhere under the ground under the rainbow
April 24, 2017
April 24, 2017
Thirty-five psychiatrists met at Yale’s School of Medicine
last Thursday to talk about Donald Trump’s mental health, which they warned was
frighteningly unstable. I’m not sure how they could determine such a thing.
Maybe they heard or saw him on the television machine for more than five
seconds. According to one of the doctors, “We have an ethical responsibility to
warn the public about Donald Trump’s dangerous mental illness.” Another
explained, “I’ve worked with murderers and rapists, I can recognize dangerousness
from a mile away. You don’t have to be an expert on dangerousness or spend
fifty years studying it like I have in order to know how dangerous this man
is.” It is not every day that you hear a trained mental health professional
discuss the mental capacities of a sitting president in relation to the
behaviors of murderers and rapists, especially a president who burnished his
reputation by calling Mexicans murderers and rapists, but in this case it is a
welcome change of pace.
It is not known if the psychiatrists were aware of the fact
that Chrump had Angela Merkel explain to him eleven (11) times that Germany
could not engage in unilateral trade deals with the US. The German chancellor. After
the meeting Merkel reportedly told her cabinet that Trump had "very
basic misunderstandings" on the "fundamentals" of both the EU
and how trade works overseas altogether.” Although the entire world saw
Chrump’s deer-in-the-headlights expression and the strained look on Merkel’s
face during most of her time with El Presidon’te, Chrump now says, “Yeah, it's
funny: One of the best chemistries I had was with Merkel.” Apparently they are
on a last name basis.
Two peas in a pickle.
Is It Really 100
Days? It Seems Like Only Decades.
Now we have the good fortune to find ourselves at the
100-day mark in the Chrump alt-presidency. I say good fortune only in that
psycho-boy has not yet engaged anyone in a thermonuclear war, and in that he
has accomplished so little of his take-no-prisoners-kill-anything-that-moves
agenda. Unlike the vast majority of Americans, The Orange Gas Cloud is very
impressed with the job he has done thus far. He learned that providing health
care is complicated – which everyone else on the planet has known for ever,
that North Korea was part of China – it never was, that nuclear weapons are
dangerous and should not be used to clear land to build golf courses and that
he should leave everything requiring even a modicum of thought or knowledge up
to his barely-post-pubescent son-in-law – who, though only slightly less
clueless and incompetent, is now for all intents and purposes, our president. Chrump
himself is occupied with more important matters: changing his tune on every
single issue he ran on, scaring the crap out of the entire world, and making everyone
think he is doing something presidential.
“I have reached the very important, very meaningless (unintelligible)
hundred-day milestone faster than any other president in history. It took
Roosevelt almost two years to get his hundred days (unintelligible), probably
because he was in a wheel chair. I like presidents that weren’t in wheel chairs.
I am much faster and (unintelligible). I am getting so much (unintelligible) done,
and not just all the golfing – I have never golfed so much in my life – it is
making my (unintelligible) head spin. It’s either that or the Propecia
poisoning. I know many of you are already very, very tired of all the (unintelligible)
winning, so I am planning do dial it down a little out of my great respect for (unintelligible).”*
“Many people are obsessed with my first hundred days. No
other president has been held to such a ridiculous standard. If you want to get
technical, since I only do the president thing two, three days a week max, I’ve
really only had about 25 days so far. And most of the stuff presidents do has
been handed off to Jared, so in real reality I have only been at this for maybe
ten days. Come back to me in a year or two after I have really, really been
president for 100 days. Until then I want the dishonest media to back off and
show some respect.”
*A recent
interview with the Associated Press. The AP transcript features (besides the
general rambling idiocy) 15 incidents where “(unintelligible)” replaces an
actual word or words, which were apparently unintelligible to the interviewer
and whoever transcribed the interview. To be fair, even when the words are
recognizable, the meaning is (unintelligible).
The worst part of this is, I’m working much harder paying
attention to this lunatic than he is at pretending to be president.
I. Mangrey reporting. I work hard for the (no) money.
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