Hate Days a Week

More Winning (Maybe The Most Winning Ever)

April 7, 2017

The Chrump took a break from gloating about his impossible, all-time greatest election victory, to grade himself after 90 days, “I think we’ve had one of the most successful 13 weeks in the history of the presidency.” Fun Fact: Chrump cannot even name more than 10 other presidents.

Boneless bag of rotting flesh, Men in Black star, and (soon-to-be-ex) top advisor to alt-president Chrump, Steve Bannon has been removed from his position on the National Security Council, much to the relief H.R. McMaster, who replaced the very briefly serving, disgraced and possibly-looking-at-serious-jail-time-unless-he-gets-immunity-which-he-said-is-only-for-guilty-people, Michael Flynn as National Security Advisor. A Chrump spokesperson called Bannon’s repurposing a “promotion to a lower position”. A spokesman for Bannon, after several minutes of expletives and expectorating, refused to comment. Other sources say that the jack-off-all-policy, Jared the Son-in-law was behind the de-promotion. They also say that Bannon threw a hissy fit and threatened to quit, before realizing that he would then go back to being an obscure, worthless, conspiracy-theory-peddling, anti-Semitic hate-monger.

They say you can’t judge a book by its cover. Meet the exception.

Steve Bannon as Edgar in Men in Black I ?
Imagine the savings on make-up.

Many people are saying that Bannon’s departure will enable the NSC to focus on national security issues rather than spending all of its time keeping the alt-president out of trouble because of all his administration’s ties to Russia. Some highly placed sources feel that this will be a positive change of purpose for the NSC.

Shortly after the Bannon shuffle – the first non-crime-driven good move made by team Chrump – Syria’s Assad used chemical weapons on his own people. This cause a knee-jerk reaction – bombing Syria. Republican’ts desperate for any reason to have even the merest excuse to stop dumping on Chrump, are excited to pretend he is presidential nothing makes them prouder than seeing their leader get tough and blow shit up. And of course, many Americans love a good bombing, so we can expect Chrump’s approval numbers to be taken off of life support for the time being. We are now officially fighting with and against both sides in the Syrian civil war. So, do not worry, our boy Don will not be shaken for long. I have faith in his ability to be himself and to resume disgracing himself, his office, and our nation, and to disgust more and more Americans every day. After all, that is the only thing he is committed to doing full-time.

One more thing…

In case it is not obvious, I am a huge Don Rickles fan. Have been since I was a child. I guess that explains quite a bit. I still have his debut album, Hello Dummy and can recite too much of it from memory. All who knew the man known as Mr. Warmth, one of the most acerbic comics ever, said he was actually one of the sweetest human beings anywhere.

Good-bye dummy.

I. Mangrey reporting.