Northing Korea to Seeria Here

OMFG

Here
April 6, 2017

Perpetually unable to control what comes out of his pie hole any better than he can control what his ittty bitty thumbs tweet, Chrump decided the time had come to lay down the law on North Korea. First he showed his singular grasp of foreign policy, “China will either decide to help us with North Korea or they won't.” Not wanting to leave anything to the imagination, Chrump also told the Financial Times, “If China is not going to solve North Korea, we will.” Sources close to Cholesterol-plaque-in-chief say that a room full of advisors worked straight through Chrump’s normal tweeting hours into the subsequent daylight hours to keep their propecia-addled boss from threatening to take on North Korea with his own bare – albeit comically undersized – hands.

Chrump practices his patented Ministry of Silly Throws scary-face
brush-back pitch to frighten North Korea

So Much To Do, So Little Desire

Der Furor of course, is much too busy continuing to brag about his impossible Electoral College victory, whining about the imaginary wire tapppping at the hands of the imaginary non-American-born Barack Obama and blaming Obama for everything Chrump is screwing up. Chrump did manage to find time to come to the defense of serial sexual harasser Bill O’Lielly saying, “I think he shouldn’t have settled; personally I think he shouldn’t have settled. Because you should have taken it all the way. I don’t think Bill did anything wrong.” It is hard to fault Chrump; sexual predators have to stick together after all. As Chrump has said on many occasions, “Nobody knows more about sexual assault than Donald Chrump.” One does have to wonder though, why Chrump settles so many of the thousands of cases (3,500 or so by most non-Chrump accounts) in which he has been involved.

Neither Chrump nor his Secretary of Exxon State, Wrecks Tillerson cared to waste their precious moments or words on North Korea, who appear to be taunting The Orange Gas Cloud. During one of his brief between-nap interludes Tillerson tweeted:

But Syriaously

Tillerson also found a few moments to announce that the US would now support Russia’s position on Syria. The Chrump administration has decided that Assad, who Chrump insisted for years was not our concern and then criticized (and continued to do so in the past few days) Obama for not taking out, should let the Syrian people decide his fate. Assad, for his part, responded by unleashing chemical weapons on civilians, presumably to test Tillerson’s sincerity. As with his it-takes-one-to-know-one defense of fellow sexual assaulter Bill O’Lielly, our Affront-to-humanity-in-chief called Assad’s chemical attack “an affront to humanity”. He said the attack “crossed many, many lines”. Chrump then said that Assad’s most recent war crime made him rethink his position on Syria. No one – including Chrump, Tillerson and the rest of the Chrump dream team – has the faintest idea what that means. The bottom line is that we do not have time for this nonsense. We are too damn busy making America Great Again. Chrump and Wrecks are comfortable that Vlad will sort it all out. He is a very strong leader. Unlike some people we know. It might be time for Jared Kushner to step in.

Chrump meets with military advisors and nods off, on his feet.
Either that, or he is searching for the end of his tie.

Jared The Magnificent

Hey, remember when we learned that Don Jr. called team Kasich and offered him the chance to do all of Chrump’s presidenting? Because Chrump would be busy ‘making America great again?” Well, guess what. Pence did not get that job. He is busy following after Der Furor with executive orders he forgets to sign. All of the presidenting is now being done by the Son-in-law-in-chief. He is in charge of reforming the criminal justice system, overhauling the entire federal government, negotiating the whole wall thing with Mexico , handling America’s opioid problem, China diplomacy, brokering peace in the Middle East, revamping the VA, and he just turned up in Iraq.

I. Mangrey reporting. One day we will look back on all this…