June 2, 2018
Donald Chrump recently met with Kim Kardashian in the Oval
Office. Why not? She is an important figure in American
political discourse. Always has
been. And, she has (had?) her own show,
which gets her to the top of Chrump’s busy golfing schedule. She certainly is no less serious a political
player than Chrump.
Highly placed White House sources have told Paying Attention
– under condition of non-existence – that Chrump thought she was actually Kim
Jong Un. After the meeting, Chrump spoke
to no one in particular in the White House Rose Garden.
“I have just had a historic meeting with the leader of West
Korea. They said it would not
happen. Fake news. Very fake news. I also said it would not happen, but that was
after and before I said it would happen.
I’ve said a lot of things. I
still have the best words and a very good brain. Just ask me.
We had a very good talk. And, I
got it done under budget and ahead of schedule.
The fake news totally missed the whole thing. Mostly I just shook my head and said
yes. Hey, this guy had his uncle killed
by dogs. Pretty impressive. I may have to try this some time myself. He’s a very strong leader. I think he really likes me. He said many nice things about me, so I said
some very nice things about him. Very
nice.
The one smiling like an idiot
thinks he’s about to win the Nobel Peace Prize
I know more about these things than all the experts. And everyone agrees with me on this. Kim was surprisingly friendly and he has
really done much better with his hair.
Kim assured me that there are no more nuclear weapons in West Korea…or wherever
he is. And, anyway, who cares if they
do? Did I mention he said very nice
things about me? We are getting along
very well, so I think it doesn’t matter anymore how many nukes they have. After all, we have nukes why shouldn’t
everyone have them. It’s not like
they’re dangerous. I hesitate to say
this, but he could really give Ivanka a run for her money. And Ivanka has a lot of money – much more
today than she did a year ago, which has nothing at all to do with me being
president. Believe me. I am not making deals all over the world that
have a very good effect on my companies that I have nothing whatsoever to do
with while I’m running the country. I
could be doing both, but that wouldn’t look too good, although very soon I will
not be giving a shit about that. America
will be doing so great, and Zombie Bob Mueller’s fake witch hunt will be over,
and I will be doing whatever I want.
Then America will be really great, really, really great. That I can tell you…and I will be even
greater.”
The Prezident then wandered off across the lawn before being
carried back the official residence and transferred into his robe in time to
re-watch Fux and Friends before falling asleep on the toilet.
I. Mangrey recoiling. It's a living. Not really. But I do it anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment