Enhanced Legal Techniques, Part 1

Tortured Logic

June 4, 2018

The last Republican’t president brought in lawyers like John Yoo to find a way to pretend that torture was legal.  They tortured the language, rebranded war crimes, and came up with wonderful terms like enhanced interrogation to justify implementing techniques that our government previously prosecuted others for doing.  Waterboarding in particular was vilified by the United States in the past, but somehow was a preferred procedure under Bush/Cheney. 

Cheney recently crawled out from beneath his secret undisclosed rock to torture us once again, hissing that we should be proud of our horrendous past behavior.  The Dark Load shamelessly says we should resume torture and other war crimes, if only to enable the wraith Cheney to 1) look at himself in the mirror (whether or not there is any reflection), and 2) sleep at night (whether he does so in a normal bed or a coffin).

While the last Republican’t administration insisted that torture was lawful, the current one is now asserting that our laws are torture.  Many people are saying that the very essence of the Chrump administration is far worse than waterboarding, and our laws seem to have been relegated to the bargain bin at Borders Books.  Does Borders Books even exist anymore? 

Meanwhile, the media is tripping over its…let’s say tongue, to avoid calling Donald Chrump a liar. They say he deals in falsehoods, he is unsure of the facts, makes misstatements, and has a unique way with words – they are parsing; he is lying.  He says he is joking – he is not just lying, he is torturing the truth.  Reporters need to stop coddling Prezident Demented Cupie Doll and dispense some journalistic judo. 

The media might be interested to know that Chrump has lied more than 3,000 times in his first 500 days since he took the oath of office.  This lie count comes to 6.5 lies per day (up from 4.9/day over his first 100 days), but as has been noted previously here, out of those 500 days, he has only been “working” approximately 200 of those.  That brings the daily total closer to fifteen per day. And, considering the fact that a typical Chrump work day lasts about four or five hours, that is at least three lies per hour, or one lie every 20 minutes.  Most fact checkers – at least those who have not had to file for disability – did not count the fact that he lied while taking the oath of office…you know, when he swore to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”  Chrump lies more frequently than he breathes, and the lying clearly takes much less effort.

Chrump’s “lawyers,” some gone back into private malpractice, some still working for Chrump, insist that a sitting president cannot be touched by the laws of the land.  A 20 page letter (presumably with the best words), sent to Robert Mueller some time ago, included some enhanced legal arguments.  One such argument held that a sitting, or even a golfing president cannot be guilty of obstruction of justice.  I believe the idea is that this president cannot obstruct justice since he has no idea what justice is, but he is quite certain that whatever it is, it does not apply to him.  And who, in their right mind would argue with such a stable genius?

 

According to Chrump’s current spokesmodel, Rudy G Who Works For Free, “In no case can he be subpoenaed or indicted. I don’t know how you can indict while he’s in office. No matter what it is.  If he shot James Comey, he’d be impeached the next day.  Impeach him, and then you can do whatever you want to do to him.”  Can we quote you on that last part?

Rudy G: I hope he is smarter than he looks.
Spoiler Alert: He is not.

Rudy further blathered, “This is the reason you don't let the president testify.  Our recollection keeps changing, or we're not even asked a question and somebody makes an assumption.”  Is this guy actually awake when he talks on the television machine?

I. Mangrey repatriating.  They’re cuckoo for cocoa puffs…or something.