June 7, 2018
Amid the swarm of allegations, innumerable clear ethics
violations and sundry wrongdoings, not to mention his all-around hatred of the
environment his Agency was created to – what’s that word – oh yeah: Protect, we
now find that EPA head (sans brain) Scott Pruitt sent a government employee to
run personal errands. This is not what one would call legal. Millan Hupp, one of his top aides, who Pruitt
describes as a longtime friend, dating back to his days in Oklahoma, told
lawmakers that she had one of her boss’s personal credit cards and happily
managed personal requests from Pruitt because of their personal
friendship. Hupp told the House
Oversight Committee, “Well, we worked very closely together and spent a lot of
time together. I traveled with him, so naturally a friendship developed.” Naturally. Pruitt is a super friendly
guy. Unless he is forced to mingle with
the hoi polloi back in coach.
The environment is out to get
us all. Death to the Earth!!
Ms. Hupp subsequently volunteered, “Scott…I mean, Secretary
Pruitt asked me to purchase a certain blue dress… I mean a used mattress from Chrump
International Hotel. I’m sure this had
nothing to do with that time, or was it two, when we had to share a room at the
hotel. Everyone knows how thrifty Mr.
Pruitt is. He would never waste money,
especially the taxpayers’ money. He is
such a wonderful man. It was all totally
innocent. There’s no way there were any
inconvenient stains on that mattress, since we’ve never slept together. After all, Scott…I mean Mr. Pruitt is a
happily married man and has never said he would leave his wife to be with
me. That would be wrong, wouldn’t
it? Sure, we work really late sometimes. It’s so easy to lose track of the time when
you love your boss…I mean your job so much. I’m sure there are hundreds of good reasons
why someone who illegally spends thousands and thousands of government dollars
on personal trips, soundproof phone booths, and a dozen custom-made fountain
pens costing $1,560, would want to buy a used mattress from a hotel. Everyone loves used mattresses, used toilet
paper and used condoms. Right?”
Hupp has now resigned.
Apparently, she is the second Hupp sister to leave Pruitt’s titanic
agency. But not Pruitt. WTFF. When
Atlantic reporter Elaina Plott reached EPA spokesperson Jahan Wilcox, by phone
to confirm the second Hupp’s departure, Wilcox would not comment, preferring to
respond, “You have a great day, you’re a piece of trash.”
As though it was possible to add one to infinity, another
quintessential Pruitt whoopsie hit the presses.
Pruitt – a one-man swamp – was caught red-handed trying to abuse his office,
contacting the Chick-fil-A CEO to obtain for his wife (at least it wasn’t his
used mattress buddy) a franchise. We
have the emails. Chick-fil-A has
confirmed the attempted shakedown.
I. Mangrey raking muck. I gotta get a bigger rake.
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