June 8, 2018
As he was preparing for the upcoming G-7 meeting Chrump took
a moment to insult intelligence, history and an important neighbor and ally asking
Canada’s Justin Trudeau “Didn’t you guys burn down the White House?” Many people are saying that this was a
reference to the War of 1812 and Chrump being one of the most ignorant
sons-of-bitches ever to have someone lace up a pair of shoes for him. Is he really that stupid? Or was this just
another lie. I am willing to give him
the benefit of the doubt on this one, and assume he is simply as knowledgeable
as a knockwurst.
Chrump continues his unceasing efforts to offend every ally,
as severely and often as possible, in order to impress Sean Hannity and
Vladimir Putin. In his latest (as of
June 8, 2018 6:00am EST) mean, ignorant buffoonery, Chrump squeezed out some
tweets to anger two of our oldest allies:
Apparently, Der Furor thinks he is going to a roast, and is
warming up his funny bone. Reports also indicate that Fat Man Little Boy
thinks the whole G-7 thing is a waste of his precious time, when he should be
focusing on his big date in Singapore next week – assuming he is still doing
that one.
Sources say that Chrump is not interested in being lectured
to by a bunch of people who actually know what they are talking about. “I know more about world money things than
all the rest of these losers. They are
not going to keep taking advantage of America any more. Not while I’m around. I have the best people working for me, not
that I listen to any of them, except Sean Hannity, who has great ratings by the
way. So, I will go to this fake meeting,
but I’m not going to listen to anyone but my very smart man in the mirror. Now watch this drive.”
Chrump
tearing up the links…literally
The news from the White House is that Chrump's staffers
expect the G-7 meeting in Quebec to go badly. Most are saying they expect it will
be an unmitigated disaster. Chrump’s aides are frantically preparing for a week
of, “He meant to do that. We purposely
did not divulge the president’s excellent plan exactly because of what is
happening right now. We knew that all of
you in the fake press would be screaming an moaning just because you don’t
understand how the president’s mind works.
So, he almost choked-out the president of Mexico. It was a joke. They guy refuses to pay for the fucking wall,
so he made him shit a brick. Get it? Of course he rubbed himself against Angela
Merkel. This is absolutely brilliant foreign
policy and you will soon see how this will tip the scales in America’s favor.”
In order to get out ahead of (hopefully not literally)
punching every other attendee in the nose, Chrump State Department official,
and former Fux News model Heather Nauert threw some serious
political-science-fiction, citing the D-Day invasion as an example of our
"very strong" relationship with Germany. Yeah, those were the good old D-Days.
Off The Rails
I cannot tell you why, but the upcoming G-7 makes me think
of Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Orient
Express. I think I have some idea
why, but I cannot tell you. If you think
about it, you too might be struck by some reason to conflate the two
scenarios. Aboard the train, in
Christie’s classic mystery, a malevolent, elderly American attempts to hire
Christie’s renowned inspector, Hercule Poirot because he believes his life is
threatened, but Poirot refuses out of distaste for the man. For the sake of argument and my personal
well-being, it is my sworn statement that I cannot remember how the story
ends. All I can remember is the nasty
old man on a train full of people and I have a vague recollection that
something bad happened to someone on the train.
You will have to ask Agatha Christie.
Or Siri. Or Wikipedia.
Chrump is planning to leave the meeting early in order to
have enough time to do his “hair” for his next big event – the June 12
Singapore Smackdown with Kim Jong Un. Two
lunatics go in – only one will come out unscathed. My money is on the short fat one, not the big
fat one.
I. Mangrey retraining.
All a-bored.
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