Alternative Headlines

Wrenched From The WTF* Headlines

December 11, 2019

America is ready to crack.  There are still far too many Chrump supporters for anything resembling a democracy to survive.  Many of these folks are simply white nationalists who are scared to death that people of color, Jews and unrestrained women are stealing the country they once knew; they might be right; let us hope so.  Others are mentally challenged, willfully ignorant consumers of Fux News and other dissemblers of insane, debunked conspiracy theories.  The rest are greedy motherfuckers who only care about keeping their money safe from taxation with representation. 

Much of public on both sides of the debate has chosen to tune out the news in favor of grasping at mental health straws.  The Paying Attention team gave up any pretense of mental health some time ago, but we still like to have some fun.  If Chrumpers can have their alternative facts, we can have some alternative headlines...

‘Deep shame’ that Merkel’s first visit to Auschwitz
did not happen much, much sooner 

Paying Attention Tells Issa STFU

Old White Men, Likely On Viagra,
Continue Marathon Fucking Of America
Someone Call Their Doctor Already

Many Americans Blame Haley For
Trying To Make Racism Great Again

Someone Should Show Newt
Gingrich Exactly How Lynching Works

Death To America: So Fucked Not Even Funny

Republican’ts Only Want Chrump To
Meddle In His Own Race
(and what the fuck is he doing with his hand)

Chrump Rambled About Toilets:
Americans Wish This Was His Weirdest

Chrump to Jews: So I’m Anti-Semitic,
You All Love Money, So Love Me

What To Do, What To Do?
Can You Say Impeachment?
Didn’t Think So.

I. Mangrey, nominated for Best Supporting Activist.

*Worthless Trash Files