Bathroom Talk

Potty Mouth

December 9, 2019

Toilet Strained

During a rare press event sans helicopters churning in the background, Donald Chrump, as usual, launched into some of his patented insane improv.  Before rambling on about Americans having to flush toilets “10 times, 15 times as opposed to once” and quietly dripping showers, the dangerously delusional dipshit returned to a favorite theme.

Chrump regaled those in attendance with his patented take on the evils of the new energy-efficient lightbulbs.  “The lightbulb – they got rid of the lightbulb that people got used to.  The new bulb is many times more expensive and I hate to say it, it doesn’t make you look as good.  Of course, being a vain person, that’s very important to me.  Gives you an orange look.  I don’t want an orange look – has anyone noticed that?  So we’ll have to change those bulbs in at least a couple of rooms where I am in the White House.”

First of all, was that a moment of self-awareness we just saw? (Of course, the one thing Chrump might be aware of is his vanity.)  Second, yeah, it’s the lighting that makes you look a moldy pastry covered in discolored cotton candy.  Third, I think I speak for pretty much everyone when I say – no, you tragically tinted twit, no one has noticed that, and if you don’t want an orange look, why the fuck do you keep slathering yourself with orange concealer?  Chrump’s former housekeepers claim they regularly had to bring new shirts from the pro shop because of the rust-colored stains on the collars.  Those stains, rather than being a generic rust-color, were specifically, Orange BHCo6 made by a company called Bronx Colors. 

This is reportedly Donald’s preferred coloring. 
He’d be better off with Sherwin Williams.
They have the perfect shade.

Sherwin-Williams
“Obstinate Orange SW 6884” *

I get hydrating.  Who doesn’t need to hydrate, but what exactly are you concealing?  A deeper orange hue?  Next you’ll try to tell us you don’t like looking like a faded, manic racoon.  Try a paper bag. 

Does this bag make me look orange?

Mr. Chrump, maybe it is not the light bulbs that are the problem.  Maybe you should lock yourself in the bathroom ala Gen. Jack D. Ripper.  You two have much in common.

I. Mangrey reporting.  Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

*This is an actual Sherwin-Williams color