So Much Winning

IMPEACHY Keen

January 14, 2021

Normally I would have celebrated IMPEACHMENT DAY with great fanfare and copious schadenfreude. And yesterday’s IMPEACHMENT of Donny Trump was as juicy and delicious a one as this country has ever seen. Unfortunately, it came buried in so much other slime, insanity, treason and death that it was difficult to muster up the fitting level of scorn, bile and mirth at the appropriate moment. And for that, I apologize to you and to myself.

Incitement of Insurrection: Is that worse than lying about a blowjob?

There are winners and then there are winners. Some win a winning and others win at losing. Donald “Fort Sumpter” Trump won at inciting an insurrection. No one has done it better in at least 160 years. His forces won the Battle of Trump against the United States on January 6 just as he won the November 3 election against Joe Biden and the American people. So much winning.

Trump has also emerged victorious in the IMPEACHMENT competition. Yesterday, Congress returned to the scene of Trump’s crime to impart some measure of justice in the only way put forth by the Constitution, by IMPEACHING Trump for some of the highest crimes in American history. Now, no one has been IMPEACHED as many times as Trump. Or with so much bipartisan support. A record more than 230 years in the making. Take that George Washington – zero impeachments, a quitter who bailed out after just two terms when there weren’t even any limits; said he didn’t want to be a monarch - loser. Suck on it Andrew Johnson – one impeachment. And Dick Nixon – impeachment-adjacent. Bill Clinton, don’t make me laugh. No, seriously. Don’t make me laugh. A bunch of one-shit wonders. Trump slouches alone in the IMPEACHMENT Hall of Infamy.

Loser Nancy Pelosi – you can’t even see her signature taking up an entire page.

What’s the matter Nancy, can’t afford a decent Sharpie?

And what about those crazy Democrats? Dividing the nation by daring to IMPEACH someone for simply wanting to make America something. For innocently urging his unstable cult members to lay siege on the Capitol to shanghai the certification of the winner of the 2020 presidential election, because it was not him. Why would the Democrats want to punish someone who loves America so much he is trying to make two of them.

Trump showed everyone who’s boss by winning a free, no expenses paid exit from Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Western Union. Nobody does it better.

Like Charles Manson and other murderous cult leaders before him, Trump whipped his cult into a homicidal frenzy while managing to keep his own hands clean. Trump mesmerized his army of assholes with promises of reversing the results of an election he falsely insisted had been stolen. He exhorted his armed goons to disrupt the Constitutional duties of Congress, and put a stop to the process of formally certifying what American voters, the Electoral College and courts of every stature and stripe across this nation had already made perfectly clear. Trump also implied the need to take care of Mike Pence who dared – for the first time in his life – put the Constitution and the United States ahead of his own personal interest, and even worse, above the psychotic wishes of the man he obeyed, enabled and abetted so completely for five years, by refusing to break the law by aiding and abetting the theft of the election Joe Biden handily won, in violation of the Constitution of a little thing we like to call the United States.

It is long past time to end the start-to-finish catastrophuck that has been the presidency of Donald Trump – worst president ever…times infinity. Hopefully.

I. M. Peachment.

Don’t miss today’s special feature: I Wish I Had Said That ! (below)